he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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