Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
