You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
we should paint friendship bongs
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