people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
