bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
