so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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