have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
