sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
