Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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