That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
