I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
