I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
