I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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