I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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