I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
