I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
