before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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