I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
