nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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