He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
