im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
