There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
