Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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