I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My ass is underappreciated
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
