Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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