I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
that is very illegal...i love you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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