Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
