Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
