just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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