watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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