Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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