The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
