you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
