If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
