On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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