after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My penis needs a shock collar
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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