im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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