Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
