hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
