If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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