Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
