i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
