A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
