if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You took a bar mat shot.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
