you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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