my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
