i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
