I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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