You made me cry and you don't even care
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
