Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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