from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
